Today I made the way to let the opposite car make a cross in front of me. While the car was making the turn, I suddenly saw from my left side mirror that there was a motor with a high speed approaching with a high speed. I was about to response on how to stop the car from moving, but it was too late. Just a bam! Accident happened and the motor driver like being thrown out of his bike. I was shocked and leg turned jelly. It made me think that I made it happened. However, the traffic light turned green and I moved on. Along the way to my campus, I couldn't stop myself to blame myself for it and I thought of my ex. YEA! The guilt feeling was totally same as last time. After 5 minutes, I put on signal and stopped by the road shoulder. My heart was pain and I could not breathe with tears rolling down along my cheek. While i was suffering, I've tried to make calls, there I realised everytime I need someone I could not locate anyone of them... ... After a while of struggling in the car, I stopped calling anybody and drove slowly back to the accident place, there were neither the motor nor the car there which added my guilt.
I drove home, my mum was out and I realised I didn't bring my keys. The only thing I could do that moment was sit in my car and wait. Yea, I did those but kept having my tears coming out. Until my mum came home, she was shocked as I cried. She comforted me by claiming that it was not my fault, just like the people said it was not my fault for my ex's death. Although I've finally calmed, whenever the environment is silent, I start to think again. This incident clearly prove that I did not really come out from what had happened 7 years ago now I even positive about it. Despite the writings on this blog, twitter, how many times I drunk myself or whatever, deep inside my heart, there isn't any change. I claimed that I have had new life, new people and new environment, but the heartache today have proven that all that was wrong... ... Need EOT?
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