After he left, I sad, then everything passed, I realised its true. This is because I knew I have fallen for someone whom i gave him the name "forever not yours". Why so pessimistic?
I knew him after a year I lost my ex. Probably we are being arranged to meet each other, we just met each other a couple times which others did not. I remember the very first time when we talked he was in his anger. The first impression he gave me was a person who so persevere for who he thinks and wants. Then we chatted through text message ( whatsapp not so famous that time). Because I'm a die hard fans of MU, he sat in front of the tv watching MU vs Everton while we were texting. While I'm feeling good towards this guy, something happened which made me decided not to fall in love anymore. Then, it was so coincidence that both of us not texting each other on the same time.
Later on, maybe after 1 year, when smart phone technology was getting better, one night when I was watching one of MU match vs Liverpool, while I was pissed off that MU was losing, then I received a text message from an unsaved number saying that MU lost. Well, just because I can memorise number not bad I guessed it was him. And then we chatted for a while and it backed to normal (means we are not contacting each other ). Who knows I saw him once at a restaurant but I did not dare to call him ( Well maybe I don't know what should I call him). Anyhow, I texted him after I left the restaurant but lied to him saying that I was leaving that time when he questioned why I did not call him.
Though we were so seldom contact each other, every year around November I would definitely find him when I was sad for my ex. The reason I let myself to find him was he is safe that I would not fall for him. What an excuse until I looked for him when I got my poor STPM results and he persuaded me by asking me go and wash toilet. Thereafter, my Mum has remembered there is a guy called "wash toilet". After my STPM, I went SG for work, this was the first time I left to a place that far from home. My insistence that didn't want to make my mum worry and so I relied on him when I was in SG (chatted with him through whatsapp). He always asked me the date I come back. Without realising, I was expecting him to ask me out. Who knows after a week I back home he didn't even realise.
I thought after I entered UM , I would stop myself from relying on him anymore. Yet, we also chatted like we were in SG. Then the questions he always asked was "are u In cheras or UM?" which actually raised my expectation that he will ask me out. Hehe. Well, after all these time, I always told one of my friend in UM that me and him are more than just friends. Until one of the PTUM event, he came to UM, my friend said the incident that I knocked on glass had proven I am so care about him. Okay. Then I tried to escape because my sixth sense told me he has no interest on me.
And so it happened that I got a chance to join a psychology camp which I joined before few years ago. In this camp, there is one uncle named Uncle Lee who can let you pick a card which describing your situation. Last time I got "guilty" and this time round I got 精神分裂. Ops! Then the second card will be picked if the first one is negative card. The second one said he is a good guy. Uncle Lee said I can't keep stepping backwards and I should go for my happiness. So right after that I texted him, apologised for nothing (he thought). But it meant so much to me.
Sometimes he seems so good to me but sometimes not. I hate the feelings of guessing. Under the encouragement of my friend, I decided to tell him what I felt. Well, this is the first time in my life and I did something extremely funny (I google-d confession letter). And it made every worse. Well, before he gave an exact answer I mentioned for everything to be forgotten and requested him to give me some time to let it go. Okay. I ruined everything and went for doctor the next day (didn't expect I made my first time so impressed :( ) .
After a week, he came and chatted with me almost everyday. I knew he was in a good motive just to remain our friendship yet it made me feel even sadder.
The difficulty of falling asleep is the consequence then further causes no appetite and feeling vomit and dizzy. Until my coursemate helped to block him in every social apps.
Then we lost contact for almost 2 months. During this two months, there are few person who treated me very good. I'm not showing off here but stay tuned to see how can a guy hurt a girl. There is a coursemate who treated me very well while I was sick, who accompanied me for 3 hours to listen how failed I am until I fell sick, who worried about me every week I back home from campus. I did step backwards and told myself I should not have all these with coursemate. Yet, again and again he did the things that every girl will be touched. When I was about to take it, everything was not as I thought. Haha. I realised that he at the same time treated another girl also good. I couldn't stand the feelings of guessing sincerely. So one night, I tested him whether he likes the girl or not. And he admitted when being asked. I cried for almost one hour realising everything was fake. What hurt me the most was he used the most killing way to hurt me while he awares that it is the one. Now I really thank him for making me stronger and aware of the existence of this type of guy on the Earth.
Everything that happened between me and my coursemate was not told to Mr FNM because I just don't want him to think I'm that type of girl who makes use of him whenever needed. And so now 6th of August 2015, we have not contacting each other for about 1 month until I could only define our friendship as the hi bye type even worse than that. Despite how well I tried to communicate with him, how hard I did to know him more, how well I remember the dates of him exam, birthday,day of release of result of internship or anything about him, I am still the ordinary of the ordinary friend of him. Finally, I'm tired to show that I'm not a robot and I have feelings though. I've stopped myself from finding excuse for him. One sentence answers everything: He is forever not yours okay?
Everything that happened between me and my coursemate was not told to Mr FNM because I just don't want him to think I'm that type of girl who makes use of him whenever needed. And so now 6th of August 2015, we have not contacting each other for about 1 month until I could only define our friendship as the hi bye type even worse than that. Despite how well I tried to communicate with him, how hard I did to know him more, how well I remember the dates of him exam, birthday,day of release of result of internship or anything about him, I am still the ordinary of the ordinary friend of him. Finally, I'm tired to show that I'm not a robot and I have feelings though. I've stopped myself from finding excuse for him. One sentence answers everything: He is forever not yours okay?
I need to rest while deciding where should I go and be. Just leave me alone and I guess I'll stand up by myself one day! #eefangistough #believeinlovethoughtheworldkeepsdisappointingyou
