不能说的秘密

懂得让我微笑的人，懂得让我流泪的人，在没有谁比他有天分，给的感动如此的深-非你莫属

有一个人，他让我笑过哭过、明知我重还背我两次…我们曾经吵过架也和好了…在不知不觉中，一起度过了两个圣诞和情人节…原来我早已经习惯了他的存在… 然而，他的心却不属于我，而是我的好朋友… 眼睁睁看见他为了她而伤心，我只能默默地向老天爷祈祷让他更坚强。

曾经我被甩过，也因为种种过去而不敢要了…我只想好好地冷静下来，把这份情感小心翼翼地藏在心底最深处, 把它变成我对他的祝福…而这将成为我不能说的秘密，请大家千万不要告诉他…

心结

有些事，你以为你不说不提不碰，好好地把它保存在心底，就会逐渐被遗忘。我知道应该把最好的自己留给下一位；也知道不应该回头看过去；更知道人应该要更加坚强！原来说一套做一套是如此的简单...

时间越过越久，我发觉心中有着一个结。我知道它的存在，但却无法将他解开。或许，它会一直这样牵绊着我。在爱情里，我依然还是那位小学还没毕业的学生，无法遇到自己信誓旦旦要找得到的那位。日子一天一天的过去，某位在远方应该不再守护我了。但是，我常常告诉我自己，不能放弃！因为那是他教会我的事...虽然他最终放弃了，但是我会秉持着这一份信念，好好的走完... 我深深相信，哪怕他不再守护者我，也不希望我步上他的后尘！

我只想保留着美好的回忆，那些曾经被他深深爱着的感觉。只有这样，我才能够有动力继续！

给自己的一封信

心还是热的吗？！
希望什么，得到什么？
相信什么，又看见了什么？
有些事情想的人多遇见的人少，
不要因为一时的不快乐而忘了那成千上万令你开怀大笑的事，
更不要为了那些伤害你的人错过了身边真心对待的家人朋友。
有些事，有些人，他们的出现，是在对的时候对的场合发生，
而这对与不对，并不是我们决定与主宰的，
我们也只能尽力而为的去面对，
可以是最简单的微笑，也可以是最积极的反驳，至少你面对了。
你以为逃避带来痛苦，或许面对会好些，但却更为辛苦。
不经历风雨，怎么能看见彩虹呢？
纵使没有彩虹，也有属于晴天最温暖的太阳微笑。
这简单的世界有着不同的人类。
有时候，复杂的关系、事情、态度可以把最强悍的暴风雨带到你的世界，
为什么要被常常出现的暴风雨打败，为何不耐心等待呢？因为…
再强的风雨，也会有停止的那一刻；
再难熬的事情，也会有过去的那一天。

只想说一声，加油吧宝贝

Lost in somewhere else?

Recently, I'm not interested in anything. Perhaps it's time to format and start from the beginning because I'm like an old laptop that is filled of rubbish memories. Well, the technology now haven't have something that can format human's brain. Haha. 

If you question me the reason I seem give up on everything I will be pleased if you can find the answer for me as I also don't know what is the actual reason that made up everything. Probably after the exam and semester break it would be better. I hope I can get inspiration somewhere at sometime during the holiday. 

Now what I hope the most is to sleep well because I am having insomnia right now T.T 

When You're Tired of Everything

Time flies, my semester 4 is going to end soon. If you ask me whether I enjoy, my answer is yes! I'm enjoying in the mini society of school life while there is always someone who put on a mask in interaction.

Wonder why I said so? Let me ask you.  What would you do when you need to guess all the while whether something that is done is sincere or fake? What would you do when you realize you don't have anyone to be with you in the class when you "officially" have friends and bro? What would you do when your best friend is very close to the guy  that hurt you a lots instead of you when you actually need someone to be with you? What would you do when your bro treated you bad to avoid the misunderstanding of the aforesaid "best friend"? What would you do when your so called "best friend" that you have known for around 2 years don't even bother to talk to you when both you are sitting or eating together? What would you do when 2 person are saying the different thing and you wonder who to trust to while you feel hurt for either side is lying? If you do not know what to do, let me tell you I have no idea too!

I always hear people say, a couple that don't fight or quarrel will break up easily. Now I know the sentence is applicable to friendship as well. One says only the one you care and love can hurt you. Yes! I care but I don't know whether they do or not. Because I actually care a lot about her, so her ability to hurt me is 99.9%. But I guess now this doesn't matter anymore...

信爱成瘾

原来爱一个人是幸福的，是快乐的。尽管坐在他身边，两人不哼一声我都觉得满足；纵使自己多没有安全感，只要他在身边都可以安心的入睡。对，这就是爱！不因为什么，只因是他/她。你可以为了TA 的一举一动开心一整天，但也因为TA的冷漠对待莫名的悲伤一整天甚至更久。难道，这就是信爱成瘾吗？

有时候，你选择离开，那并不是因为你不爱了，而是你累惹。再多坚强、乐观的人，长期受到忽冷忽热的对待都会累的。暧昧是美好的，但长久的猜疑只会让人怀疑自己到底是不是那位。日子久惹，慢慢地就觉得如果有诚意的话，TA就不会如此对待。而选择离开，不代表厌恶TA的对待，只是不想让TA 觉得我很烦。只想默默的让TA 记得有我这位朋友。

如果你也爱过，你就知道爱也是一种瘾，就像毒品一样。现在的我，就像在戒毒般的，只要想找TA的瘾来的时候，都好幸苦啊！为什么我要爱得如此田地😞😞😞

Betray

Murphy Law states that the more you deny something the higher the possibilities it'll happen. I believe it's happening to me. I hate being betrayed because I always wanted to treat everybody good.

When I recall my memories, every scene of the betray despite by friends or the special one has hurt me so much. I always think that mirror effect should be applied everywhere but why i am betrayed when I treat spthem sincerely. Or too kind is a type of fault?

I remember 王子华said before "世界很简单，人类很复杂". This means that things do not go complicated but human. Sometimes it's better for you to be Noob or silly in order to live your life happily and haremonic. Knowing too much is not a good thing too! Now I learned to let go. It doesn't mean I give up on everything. Just be myself, those who care care, those who don't care don't care.

It's alright for the betray because the people who trust me trust, those who don't trust throw. Haha. When the person becomes not important, his/her ability to hurt = 0. Thanks for letting me know what is meant by a true friend. I appreciate as always.

25 minutes

Have you ever step into the class and your lecturer says " hey, you're 5minutes late and you wasted our time?" ? And you will OS who cares about the 5 minutes?! Yea, this is what you think when it happens to the lecture, what if the same thing happens to your love ones, when you're late and it is irreversible like the games you play.

When you are aware that you need to accompany your parents but you're just too busy:
(Nvm, I can accompany them next time).
When you know the special one is waiting for you and you take it for granted:
(Nvm, he/she will always be there for me)

Nonetheless, you never think that things don't  go like what you expect sometimes. There is a lyrics by Fish Leong that always touch me:你总说时间还很多，你可以等我，以前我不懂得未必明天就有以后…… Don't look down on the minutes, it may turn into forever regret.

不具名的悲伤

This song is sung by Luo Zhi Xiang saying he has an unknown sadness. I believe everyone surely feel sad before but have you ever feeling sad without any specific reason? 

I guess you must have been some impressive incidents then you'll understand how it feels. It's like the incident have already over for so long and you might have forgotten about it. Yet, when the memory suddenly come to your mind, you'll feel the sadness while you don't know why you have the feeling either. I guess this is what the song called 不具名的悲伤. 

After years, when my old memories visit me, tears drop unconditionally and I don't know why. The only way I could find an explanation is this song, perhaps ones would say I try to escape from the reality. But I don't. I've accepted everything happened in my life, because I believe if they didn't happen, everything now will not go the same. I think it's time for me to go to bed :) 

Love is to bless for her/his happiness

When I was young, my ex told me if you really love someone regardless family or friends, you will want him/her be happy though you're not with them. I guess it was too deep for me to understand. After all, I don't understand but feel it. I know the one that I love doesn't feel the same as me yet I hope he can find someone whom he appreciates. It's painful for me but I can feel the happiness too!

Last time when my grandma was sick, she declined to stay in hospital and asked to be discharged. Then, she went home and was put on a drip as she was unable to eat anything. Few days later, the drip was removed because my grandma said it was painful. Last time, I don't understand. When she couldn't eat anything, the drip was the only way to help and why should my grandpa agree to remove it. Now I know, how deep my grandpa loves her. My grandma likes to bet on the 4D, and always make customise new clothes for a dinner. Though grandpa awared that those are not neccesary, he still pampered my grandma like nobody else. This is nothing but LOVE. Anything he does for a reason, that is her happiness.

So, it doesn't matter that the special one is not me, I truly hope he can be happy and healthy always
Hearts Eefang

我才发现，对最爱你的人来说，他们都希望你爱自己多一点

我的instagram hashtag aefdyd 爱于芳多一点，原来都讲到做不到...已经很久惹...我和他认识惹很久，但却不曾了解过对方...够惹，于芳要梦醒惹，就像妈妈说的，“我不想再看见你继续让他伤害你。” 虽然会很痛，但我不想再浪费时间了。就让我在做一次奇怪的人吧！让我再一次消失吧！这一次，我不会再block 或逃避，我要光明正大地放开，走开，就像四年前，我们俩不联络一年一样，也并没有怎么样，因为我活过来惹。

曾经，我爱过的他离开惹这世界，我也一样，还能在这儿继续写我的blog。真的并不会怎样，顶多在伤心个1年。对！

谢谢你出现过在我的生命里，还如此特别的相识，我想我这辈子都不会忘记，这位特别的朋友。但我累惹，需要休息惹。再见了，振琛！

I'm not sure this is love.

We'd never talk until my birthday. Then I knew he is working nearby my campus and I took his car sometimes. Honestly, I felt so so so happy like I never had before when I have the chance to sit in his car. Yet, soon I realised his lifestyle and everything are so different from mine. In my opinion, I never thought this would be an reason for me to affect my stands but for him definitely yes. Right from the start, I have already knew the outcome yet I still volunteer to go deep into it. While the whole world including my mum is saying I'm crazy and I admit it.

This is what I told my best friend:"Just let me have a nice dream until May and I'll wake up, by the time I can reduce my weight as I'll be very very sad and emo." She know this serves me right but she said she will cry together with me XD

Despite he doesn't love me or anything, I still willing to do all those things because I aware that love is blind and it always does. One of my friend questioned me why I can't persist so long. My answer is "because its him." I said "maybe someday I'll let go when he's having his girl, and there are 2 possibilities, one his girl is me, or my boy is not him. " Which mean the chance for him would last til the day he found his girl. #eefangiscrazy