Merry Christmas!!!!! My Christmas was with the same gang of person last year. The only difference is some are engaged and I'm not in the "some" LOL. And then came out with a conclusion that we should bring our partner for the next Christmas. Okay! What a goal!
Even I was being asked about my recent relationship status...Ops! This time round giving up on him seems easiest ever, not sure that I really let go so easily or the mentally effect hasn't come. All in a sudden, I realised something which I don't know how to describe. Anyway, there is one thing I crystal clear about which is I have been nothing for him nor past neither present. Singing: I'm nothing and I know it. Feel thankful as he really thought me a lesson. Thank you!
So now, I should enjoy my life. Final soon!!! Like seriously I'm nervous yet I don't find my study mood yet:(
All the best to everyone! Hope everyone can be better than 2015 in 2016 :)))))
Ah! Yes. There are many regrets in one's life, same goes to me. I regret I didn't make clear of our relationship, didn't appreciate him, didn't talk properly last time. Okay! So, I decided to get it back though I'm not sure whether it works.
I guess he would never ever know. Since the very first time we knew each other, he had given me the special feelings that is different from others. Felt touched that he could watch a football match as I'm a die hard fans. Have the initiative to share each and everything with him. Until I was in SG, the feelings of safe while texting with him in another country. Also, he would never know that how well I can remember everything about him:his birthday, his test, his event etc as long as he told me. Never know how nervous during the first time he came to my house and fetched me out. Never know how I can be affected by his message for the whole day. Even can purposely go for an event just because I aware that he is going too! For me, all these I would never expect him to know because I love him, Sam Goo. He would never know how deep I fall.
Though being rejected directly or indirectly and he might have girlfriend already, I would never give up until 9December because its his school event, which last year I had put aeroplane. This year I wanted to compensate for what I have done wrong. After 9December, I will slowly walk away from his life. Not because I don't love anymore but to give blessings is also a kind of love. I know love from the wrong person only make nuisance.
Sam, I will leave soon, very soon just in 2 weeks time. Thank you for teaching me how to love, I started to learn after the 29thaugust when I was stucked in the bersih train and thought of you when I was hardly breath. I feel happy in this few months though you don't reply me on everything. Don't worry I will be fine, pretty fine :) #eefangistough #walkawayisakindoflove2
I can be good or bad. Its a mirror effect. Sometimes when you have your temper, others too! No one is borne to bear with your so called- bad mood. Yet, I shouldn't have being affected by it as it is not worth.
During childhood, if you doesn't like someone or something. You will just sort of unfriend him or voice out your disagreement. As we are becoming mature, we realised that we can't do that anymore. Some comments only meant to keep to ourselves. Slowly, we will like a crazy as there is too much negative stuff dy. So I considered writing here can throw some waste items here. Haha.
At the end of the day, I've learned that we should have control our EQ and not easily throw the negative things to other person though it is difficult to do it sometimes. One Chinese Idioms is very good to bear in mind: 己所不欲，勿施于人， which means when you do not like something, please do not do it to other person as well!
Attached one article I saw in fb which entitled "Read this when you are tired of everything"
I know what it’s like to feel tired – and not just in the physical sense.
The world that we live in is an exhausting place to be. It is wearing. It is thankless. It is endlessly trying and scarcely rewarding. You’re tired simply because you live in it. You’re tired of loving too much, caring too much, giving too much to a world that never gives anything back. You are tired of investing in indefinite outcomes. You’re tired of uncertainties. Tired of grey.
I went to PT actor audition last night, this is like the first time I've been to such interview. At the end of the day, I've learned a lots. Despite the result of intake, I gained a lot. That kind of feeling which no one else could feel the same. Kind of like you found something that you have lost for a very long time.
Been busy about juniors' orientation this week as well as the endless assignment. I understand that there is difference of opinion when a group of people working together. When only one person who consistently giving rejections while others are with me, I should have proceed with whatever is it without even giving a damn on it. Yet, I used to be the one who think a lot and reflect myself whether I really did something wrong. Sometimes, it doesn't count right or wrong but the angle we looking from.
My motivations now can be variety haha. Sports, entertainment etc of course including him hehe. Okay. I know I have talked too much about him so this time round not so much.
#lovehimthough #learningtolove
Recently, I learned a abbreviation which is TIL-Today I learned. Yet, I changed it to 'this year i learned'. I remembered some said if you truly love someone, you'll be glad happy for him/her though you know he/she doesn't feel the same. After all, I know the feelings and its true.
You can be a good leader in work or organisation, you also can be expert in study or assignment, you too can be the famous person among us. Yet, they don't reflect that you are expect in love and relationship. I thought I have always do the best in everything but I am just a beginner in love and relationships. Tears and hard feelings could grow me up and now I know what I really want.
I was too selfish for myself in the past which always think of myself only and always listen to others. The thing that I learned from the psychology workshop: We can change everything but not the history and other people. Yes, I can't change what I did and his attitude, but I can change myself. To understand him more from whatever it is. I hope someday he could see me with my witness-the time. I tell myself, don't be stingy to spend time for him even though it can be half a year or longer than that as I'm learning to love on the same time. Trust and time are the elements I use now, trust that he is the person who worth it and give him and me a range of time to proof my heart.
Been busy about everything recently: juniors' orientation, heavy assignment since beginning of classes etc. Meanwhile, he is having his final exam right now. I always don't feel like disturbing him during his exam. Hope everything is fine with him :)
During these days, I recall my memories about how we met and everything. I know I did many things wrong and it is difficult for me to compensate as there isn't any time machine in this world that can bring us to the past to save the regrets. I know it is stupid to wait for him yet I believe true love could win over everything and anything.
This time round I won't hide anything from him except one thing which is the truth that I still put him in my heart. The reason I choose not to tell is not to give him any pressure. I want him to see me as he really does instead of knowing my heart and falling into dilemma situation. Because I love, so though I am not being loved it doesn't matter. As long as he got his happiness, I feel pleased too ! :D
不知不觉，我学会了很多。却只有一样——I can forgive but I can't forget. 我仍然不懂得如何与曾经伤害我的那个人相处，或许我们也只能像我说的永远的coursemates. 向最近的一位仁兄学了一句话：“对不起不是万能的，用的太随便就没有意义了。” 虽然讲话太直接的他一直帮我赶走客人，但却说出如此有道理的话！呵呵
I knew a new friend from a job lately at Midvalley. He was so impressive of his bad luck continuously during the two days. Actually what made him to be remembered is the things he said to me. He told me do not do things purposely for the one who is special to me and something related to things that are stuck inside my brain.
After the night, I calm down from inside to outside. Nor because of I was attracted by the new guy neither I don't like Mr FNM anymore. The main reason is I know this is love.
Love is to let go so that he could have his happiness,
Love is not to do things for his sake to stress him up,
Love is to give blessing while he fall in love with someone,
Love is to be proven by time but not easily said in few months.
Love is because it's him and it's love.
That is why I didn't sigh, pissed off even shed a tear when I know he is in love.
No matter what, our stories are precious and limited edition which taught me and grown me up since the moment we know each other.
I remember my ex told me so. As a human being, we are not so able to define love when we are in love. Perhaps we will need to go through another one despite better or worse. He said this is to allow me to get another guy to prove his love. In the past, the moment I heard it, I don't understand it even I thought this is a way for him to say something romantic. Who will not fall in love with someone better just because of love?
After he left, I sad, then everything passed, I realised its true. This is because I knew I have fallen for someone whom i gave him the name "forever not yours". Why so pessimistic?
I knew him after a year I lost my ex. Probably we are being arranged to meet each other, we just met each other a couple times which others did not. I remember the very first time when we talked he was in his anger. The first impression he gave me was a person who so persevere for who he thinks and wants. Then we chatted through text message ( whatsapp not so famous that time). Because I'm a die hard fans of MU, he sat in front of the tv watching MU vs Everton while we were texting. While I'm feeling good towards this guy, something happened which made me decided not to fall in love anymore. Then, it was so coincidence that both of us not texting each other on the same time.
Later on, maybe after 1 year, when smart phone technology was getting better, one night when I was watching one of MU match vs Liverpool, while I was pissed off that MU was losing, then I received a text message from an unsaved number saying that MU lost. Well, just because I can memorise number not bad I guessed it was him. And then we chatted for a while and it backed to normal (means we are not contacting each other ). Who knows I saw him once at a restaurant but I did not dare to call him ( Well maybe I don't know what should I call him). Anyhow, I texted him after I left the restaurant but lied to him saying that I was leaving that time when he questioned why I did not call him.
Though we were so seldom contact each other, every year around November I would definitely find him when I was sad for my ex. The reason I let myself to find him was he is safe that I would not fall for him. What an excuse until I looked for him when I got my poor STPM results and he persuaded me by asking me go and wash toilet. Thereafter, my Mum has remembered there is a guy called "wash toilet". After my STPM, I went SG for work, this was the first time I left to a place that far from home. My insistence that didn't want to make my mum worry and so I relied on him when I was in SG (chatted with him through whatsapp). He always asked me the date I come back. Without realising, I was expecting him to ask me out. Who knows after a week I back home he didn't even realise.
I thought after I entered UM , I would stop myself from relying on him anymore. Yet, we also chatted like we were in SG. Then the questions he always asked was "are u In cheras or UM?" which actually raised my expectation that he will ask me out. Hehe. Well, after all these time, I always told one of my friend in UM that me and him are more than just friends. Until one of the PTUM event, he came to UM, my friend said the incident that I knocked on glass had proven I am so care about him. Okay. Then I tried to escape because my sixth sense told me he has no interest on me.
And so it happened that I got a chance to join a psychology camp which I joined before few years ago. In this camp, there is one uncle named Uncle Lee who can let you pick a card which describing your situation. Last time I got "guilty" and this time round I got 精神分裂. Ops! Then the second card will be picked if the first one is negative card. The second one said he is a good guy. Uncle Lee said I can't keep stepping backwards and I should go for my happiness. So right after that I texted him, apologised for nothing (he thought). But it meant so much to me.
Sometimes he seems so good to me but sometimes not. I hate the feelings of guessing. Under the encouragement of my friend, I decided to tell him what I felt. Well, this is the first time in my life and I did something extremely funny (I google-d confession letter). And it made every worse. Well, before he gave an exact answer I mentioned for everything to be forgotten and requested him to give me some time to let it go. Okay. I ruined everything and went for doctor the next day (didn't expect I made my first time so impressed :( ) .
After a week, he came and chatted with me almost everyday. I knew he was in a good motive just to remain our friendship yet it made me feel even sadder.
The difficulty of falling asleep is the consequence then further causes no appetite and feeling vomit and dizzy. Until my coursemate helped to block him in every social apps.
Then we lost contact for almost 2 months. During this two months, there are few person who treated me very good. I'm not showing off here but stay tuned to see how can a guy hurt a girl. There is a coursemate who treated me very well while I was sick, who accompanied me for 3 hours to listen how failed I am until I fell sick, who worried about me every week I back home from campus. I did step backwards and told myself I should not have all these with coursemate. Yet, again and again he did the things that every girl will be touched. When I was about to take it, everything was not as I thought. Haha. I realised that he at the same time treated another girl also good. I couldn't stand the feelings of guessing sincerely. So one night, I tested him whether he likes the girl or not. And he admitted when being asked. I cried for almost one hour realising everything was fake. What hurt me the most was he used the most killing way to hurt me while he awares that it is the one. Now I really thank him for making me stronger and aware of the existence of this type of guy on the Earth.
Everything that happened between me and my coursemate was not told to Mr FNM because I just don't want him to think I'm that type of girl who makes use of him whenever needed. And so now 6th of August 2015, we have not contacting each other for about 1 month until I could only define our friendship as the hi bye type even worse than that. Despite how well I tried to communicate with him, how hard I did to know him more, how well I remember the dates of him exam, birthday,day of release of result of internship or anything about him, I am still the ordinary of the ordinary friend of him. Finally, I'm tired to show that I'm not a robot and I have feelings though. I've stopped myself from finding excuse for him. One sentence answers everything: He is forever not yours okay?
I need to rest while deciding where should I go and be. Just leave me alone and I guess I'll stand up by myself one day! #eefangistough #believeinlovethoughtheworldkeepsdisappointingyou
Yea its 2015 now. Been few weeks semester break and I think a lots recently. Everything that happened on the first half of the year. I successfully thrown everything behind and got my courageous back to face my next relationship. Yet, the reality taught me to hide it again.
From the incidents, what I did is sighed and sighed. I questioned why was it so difficult to fulfill my simple request just to get someone who loves me like nobody else. Slowly, I realised its not simple. Its simple as I was too pampered last time. I should have learned a lesson and grown up each and everytime I let my tears roll down from my eyes. Now, I don't eager anymore as I have face the reality. Thanks the ones who hurt me and taught me. I really learned a lots. Hehehe
Here a song that me and my ex love much. The song which its mv is connected to one of Jay Chou's song.
#iMissbutnoteager
每个人的一生里都会有着一个最特别的人…而我已经遇到了, 一个让我改变自己的他。他让我尝尽人生的滋味：开心、幸福、兴奋、委屈、失望、无助、生气等等…也因此，学会了很多，完全应验了no pain no gain 的意思…当然，也少不了知道什么是爱…那是解释不了的一回事，就像张杰说的爱不解释。人啊，要遇到一个与自己相爱的人的却不简单，所以我告诉我自己失去过，所以要更珍惜。这几年来都不敢光明正大的承认我失去的那段未完成的爱情…其实，当自己看开了，那只不过是人生中的小插曲而已 :)
Finally, I am declared freedom after my first year exam :D The smile that you can't even hide from your face will like a mask put on your face.
After I rest well and come into my comfort zone, the questions that I don't want to answer still there yet I have no answer yet. Or perhaps in another way, I have the unacceptable answer even couldn't accepted by me. Well, all I want is happiness. I will never ever forget the hard time I been through on t
he pass semester, a great experience that grown me up.
Probably the lazy one should take more rest because rest is to prepare for a further journey and I have a long long journey. Hahaha. So now, please let me smile like a lousai first xD
Still 4 more papers to go for my 2nd semester final exam. And I almost done my transformation into a panda. Hehe
Recently addicted to a song by Zoey Rong describing the life of Majesty Wu. In the drama, the girl fell in love with the majesty who was much elder than her. Then when he passed away, she knew how hurt was that. But in fact, there is another guy who willing to sacrifice everything just for her yet she only realized the true love when the guy is about to die.
This story is similar to reality. We as human being also like that. We'll only realize the importance of someone or something when we lose it. It happened to me before so the lyrics in the song touched me.
Lesson of the day: appreciate whatever you have when they are still available. Don't wait until the day of 'out of stock' only you regret. Do it before it's too late.
Songs recommended: Let her go by Passenger, 时间都去哪儿，父亲
Been busy during this study week. Coming two weeks will be my exam week, and then uh huh uh huh its MERDEKA!!!! Hooray!! This semester exam seems a slight different for me though it might seems no difference for others. Why? Because finally my study ohm is backed after 4 years. Just one thing unlike the past, despite the results as long as I've tried my best then it will reaches my satisfaction.
Now I realised there are many things that worth for me to appreciate other what I'm appreciating right now. Just like we are reading a story book, reaching a climax in the midpoint and so as we grown up, we will discover more and more things that we never even touch it before. Then, you got panic and you wonder how you should handle it. When you handled it in an unsuitable way and you will be blamed before you learned a lesson.
Whatever it is. Just give it a try. This is life, when I was down, one of my friend said: "just treat life as a roller coaster: sometimes up and sometimes down." I'm always glad to have someone with me when I need. Appreciate everyone whom I love and loves me. ^^
Do you always grab for something free in life? Drinks? Foods? Petrol? Hahaha. Many things in life are free, which include happiness. Many people include me thinks money can't buy happiness and it is true because it is FOC XP
We always sad for something or someone. Have you ever wonder why we don't control our feelings ourselves? At the end of the day, you will realise somehow actually you can control your happiness as you decide to be happy or sad whether you mind or don't. I guess everyone in this world is borne to be loved. Why don't you think about someone who loves you when you are upset?
Don't worry, be happy!! Let's live while we're young XD
I know people always say everything is controlled in your hand. But in life, how many things can we really control in hand? Yes, you may do your very best for that particular thing but when something unexpected happened then you will still feel you're controlling it? Not to say we admit defeat to the fate. What we need to do is to think in another way. Sometimes you didn't realize, when you lost something actually you are gaining something on the meantime. So don't blame the God for why letting that hapened but thanks Him for bringing you back to the track you shall be in.
Just read my previous post today and I found out how naive I was in the past. And now I believe if I read this post few years later I will definitely feel the same. I guess this is what my ex meant last time. I know it is hard to practice but this is always the best way.
You don't know how many ten years you can have. Why should we stay upset when the days still pass no matter what? So, I hope I can be a pistachio from now on. Throw everything bad behind and step forward. Its not a bad thing to look behind but not to move behind.
I will never forget someone told me:"its a good thing to have something to regret about, then you'll be remembering the particular thing or person. Sometimes soneone are only meant to be remenbered. " :)
Been rushing for assignments these few weeks, seriously assignments are tiring. I remember Mr Wong always say no pain, no gain. Now I know this applies in everything in life. After the deep talk with my Ms. Inspiration, I really got a lesson and know what to do after all. Haha
This is why I love psychology. We can always psycho people with all the awesome quotes and theories yet when it comes to ourselves it will be a different story. That's why I think I everyone should have the Mr/Ms Inspiration in life. In the world of psychology, there is no such thing called self healing. Disclaimer: Based on my opinion XD
Thank everyone for being with me in my hard time. I'm so fortunate to have them whenever I fall. I should stop my grandmother's story already. I'm not drunk just too happy to have my david de gea shirt though not the official jersey. Been searching it all way long and now 得来全不费功夫.
Lesson of the day: Be ready as life is fulled of surprised, though it might be a good or bad one :)
Today is 26May2015 and I don't remember exactly how long I never update here. Nowadays, people use fb, instagram, tweeter and many more. For me, after all, blogging might be better for me except it is hard for me to post the photos from my phone. Haha.
Of course when I don't blog the Earth is still rotating and my life carries on. There are thousands of things happened, no matter it is good or bad, it is still a "past tense". Bought set of rainbow card from taobao hoping that the spirit that I have had from the psychology workshop could never end.
"There are no problems, only limited viewpoints."
Recently I kept picking up this card, trying to pull me out from frustrating for the problem that I;m facing recently. Actually, I also what my problems are. One thing to share hoping that someone will read this someday when the day really comes.
I don't know what have/had happened in the past few years and I'm still thinking the same that I choose not to know. When the trust is already not there, it is pointless to listen anymore. No matter what or how, he is still the one who I loved deeply and the memories that belong to us will be with me forever. Long time ago, I loved you more than anyone else in the world; now, the feeling kind of like family member, my big brother. Been pampering and taking good care of me in the past yet being treated by me selfishly. For the very last time, let me be selfish again in the end. If there is a time limit for the storage of your memories in somewhere which I don't know where, I hope it is not this century. You deserved to have a better life and I will move on by myself like what I am doing now.
Now I realised the consequences of being pampered. There is no benefits but making me weaker and weaker. Being hurt is ordinary in life but when the hurt is unnecessary then it is a stupid thing for me. No pressure no improvement by Mr Wong. No expectation no disappointment for me in love life. I'm actually quite tired of it. I can be smart in anything but not love. I wonder when I can be mature in love. Sometimes I wonder what love is even try to Google it. After all, I realised Google could not tells it, but the one who is right for us will tell us involuntary and you will know that he is the one. Yet, my sixth sense downgraded to fifth sense when I sensed the wrong thing that I am the right person for him too.
Whenever I'm tired of life, I will always choose to rest. I aware that I should stand up from where I fell. Perhaps just let me have a rest on the ground first, I will stand up by myself without needing anyone for lending a hand anymore. Trying to be tougher that the past when I see this "一个人如果不坚强，软弱给谁看？”
